One of the things I have been learning allot about recently is to view people - woman in particular - as discoveries and not as interests. Growing up, I struggled with this allot. The only time I would ever hang out with a girl was if I was interested in that person, and as soon as that interest was gone, so was I. But I have learned that this is not the way it should be!
In a sermon given by John Fisher in August 5 of 1973, he describes two principals for relationships between people as they seek to pursue loving one another in the Lord. But before one can understand these principles, one must first understand the standard of love which is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which goes as follows:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
This is the true standard for love. This is an incredibly hard standard to live by if not impossible for us to do on our own in these bodies. This kind of love is only possible if Jesus is at the center of our lives, living in us.
The first principle mentioned is acceptance. To accept and discover a person for who they are, and not to hold that person up to my own standards of who I think that person ought to be. God created that person for who they are and accepts them and loves them as they are.
Very recently I have been getting to know and discovering a particular individual, and let me tell you, it has been an amazing, indescribable experience! Discovering this person for who they are is like digging for buried treasure, finding it, and uncovering more and more valuable treasure the deeper I dig! It's been like discovering a new music artist that I have never listened to before and loving all of their songs! What an incredible experience! Not only can I accept this individual for who they are, but I am accepted as I am! I can truly be myself! I can be funny, weird, silly, serious... it has just been incredible.
The second principle is commitment. It's that scary word we naturally want to avoid. What almost always seems to happen, and I've experienced this numerous times, is that as you are getting to know someone of the opposite gender better, there comes a point when things get awkward. Feelings start to develop for the other person which may or may not be shared by the other. One begins to wonder if this other person is the one, but what often happens is no communication of one's feelings is shared. One becomes more emotionally involved only to realize the other doesn't share the same feelings. Feelings are crushed, worlds are shattered, and hopes are dashed against the rocks.
There have been a couple times in my life where I have reached that awkward stage in my friendships with woman; where I have developed feelings that were not shared by the other. It was not easy sharing those feelings, but we were able to work things out and continue in our friendships. These friendships have been a huge blessing from God in my life, and I am thankful that we were able to reach an understanding. The key is commitment. Staying committed to the friendship, and communicating my feelings openly and honestly.
Pursuing one another in love - love as defined in God's word - though acceptance and commitment - accepting and discovering the person for who they are; and staying committed to the relationship through the hardships and awkward phases - is the key to having long lasting, meaningful friendships and relationships.
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